Get on this train!

Map courtesy of railroad.net

Once in a while, I still get a chuckle out of one of the most chaotic subway trips I've ever been on.

It happened after me and my friend Bill left Fenway Park following the Detroit Tigers' 6-5 win over the Boston Red Sox three summers ago. Bill lives in a Boston suburb, so we took the MBTA.

The subway line we needed to get back to where Bill lives was the Red Line to Braintree. The Red Line splits into two routes heading south out of the city -- Braintree and Ashmont. Having ridden the Red Line several times myself and numerous times for Bill, we knew which train we wanted.

As we waited for the Braintree train at the Downtown Crossing station, the Ashmont train pulled in. Bill and I stood there figuring the Braintree train wouldn't be far behind. Then, a male's voice called out over the loudspeaker from the Ashmont train (I'll paraphrase):

"Those people heading to Braintree, please get on this train. There is a station closure on the line."

Bill and I looked at each other and wondered if we heard the announcement correctly. Then, we heard a female's voice over the loudspeaker (again, I'll paraphrase):

"People going to Braintree, GET ON THIS TRAIN!"

Well when you're ordered to get on a train, you get on the train. Even if it's not the train you want.


So Bill and I boarded the Ashmont train, not knowing what was really happening along the Red Line that would require people needing the Braintree train to board the wrong train. Stop after stop along the way, we kept hearing the same announcements.

Calm male voice: "Those of you heading to Braintree, please get on this train. There is a station closure, and you must get off at JFK/UMass and take a bus to your destination."

Agitated female voice: "People going to Braintree, GET ON THIS TRAIN!"

At one point, Bill said the woman conductor sounded like a female version of Samuel L. Jackson. Not only did that crack me up, but also the passengers sitting near us.

Finally, we arrived at the station where the Red Line splits into two lines. Since we had no desire to go to Ashmont, Bill and I left the train -- although we did hear one admonishment from the female conductor as we stepped out:

"People going to Braintree need to get off this train at this stop!"

So now Bill, myself and all of the other passengers headed to Braintree walk upstairs to the JFK/UMass station, where we were met by an MBTA worker who told us to go back downstairs and wait for the right train. We all had pretty much the same reaction:

"Wait. What about the station closure? What about the bus we need?"

When the MBTA worker insisted that we go back to the platform and wait for our train, we all did as we were told. So, we stood on the platform and watched for the Braintree train.

There was nothing coming.

We all started wondering what was going on. Bill even jokingly suggested that what we were waiting for wasn't the Braintree train, but rather a ghost train that would take us to our doom. If there was a ghost train coming, I was hoping it wouldn't have an agitated female conductor ordering us to get on it.

Fortunately, the Braintree train finally arrived. There was still the matter of a station closure along the line and the mystery of where the bus was that would take us to the destination we were looking for, but that soon got cleared up when the Braintree train conductor told the passengers where the closure was and who needed to get off where to take the bus to the closed station. The train would roll through the closed station and continue on to Braintree.

In other words -- we NEVER had to get on the Ashmont train.

So, all of the anxiety and confusion we felt that night could have been avoided if we had just ignored that female conductor's demand.

But as I said earlier, when you hear someone yell at you, "GET ON THIS TRAIN," you get on the train.